Ash Wednesday Post: Penance

The first time I entered a confessional, I was 15, a sophomore in high school and not yet Catholic, not even baptized. I was staying with a friend's family (the A's) to finish up the last few months of school before moving back in with my family 6 hours away. The A's were Catholic and since I had recently started on my own faith journey, I was happy to accompany them to Mass and learn about their faith.

Lent came and with it, the weekly reminders of the importance of the Sacrament of Penance (confession) in preparation for Easter. Just as people were preparing to spring clean their houses, for many the Lenten season is a sort of "spring cleaning" of the soul. I didn't really know what confession was for or how to go about it, but I decided if Catholics did it, I might as well try it. I asked the A's to please take me with them when they went the next time.

When we got to the church I don't remember being nervous. Mrs. A told me what to say when I got in there and to just tell my sins to the priest. Then he would forgive me and we'd go on our happy little way.  But there was a hiccup.

Me: Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. This is my first confession.

Fr. H: Are you in the RCIA group? Why is this your first confession?

Me: Ummm no I don't think I'm in RCIA. I'm not Catholic.

Fr. H: Oh dear. 

You see, anyone who isn't Catholic cannot participate in Confession. At the time I was a little upset and embarrassed, even though Fr. H tried to explain as gently as he could. So I went back to the pew to pray while the A's had their confessions, then we all went home. 

Why couldn't I go to Confession?

There are a couple of reasons. The first is that I had no understanding or appreciation of the Sacrament. I didn't even know what a Sacrament was. That was the first problem. It was my understanding that the Priest needed to forgive me my sins - even though I had not sinned against him, but against God. That was the second problem.

I didn't learn what a Sacrament was until I joined RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) the following fall. Confession is a Sacrament because it was given to us by Christ, as an outward sign of his sanctifying grace. And within that definition lies the answer to my second problem. The priest doesn't forgive me my signs. Priests don't forgive anyone their sins. Christ forgives and it is the priest's role to convey that love and forgiveness. Priests act in persona christi  while in Confession, meaning that they have been granted the specific instruction to act in the person of Christ (they don't become Him). The priest wasn't refusing to forgive me. He was doing what was best for me - that is, encouraging me to learn about Confession and the Church before aligning myself with it. I could and did still take my sins to Christ who forgave me.

The Church doesn't deny anyone anything that is good for them. Rather, she (the Church) encourages each person to learn first, before jumping feet first into unknown waters. It takes more to live a Christian life than just saying "Hey, I believe in Christ now!" and going about your merry way. The Christian life is one of patience, perseverance, and love. It requires diligence and a learning spirit.

Lent is a fantastic time to start your journey. If you were raised Catholic but have left the Church, visit Catholics Come Home. I'll be excited to see you in Mass! If you've been thinking about becoming a Christian or learning more about it, visit Bible Christian Society, where they have a comprehensive list of FAQ's. Catholic Answers is also very helpful. I look forward to seeing you next year at the Easter Vigil!

See other posts on Penance at Catholic Blog Day